Damn You Winter, Clinton, and Kanye!

I remember riding my mountain bike in rain, sleet, snow, and hail as a kid with no thought to the amount of money it would take to restore my bike to pristine working order not to mention the love and attention required to clean and maintain it. Nowadays, I pause before loading up and heading out into the elements. I am reminded of the many injuries I have sustained over the years and the length of time it takes to recover as well as the mountain of greenbacks it takes to pay for it all.

Winter is here, and there is a new element in town--cold. I hate the cold. When I say, "I hate the cold," I mean there ain't no damn way in hell I'm stepping one inch outside with the tiniest bit of bare skin exposed to ride a bike. Each winter I tell folks (and myself), "I'm planning on riding all winter long," you know to stay in shape--for Spring (sits back at desk, props feet up, and sips hot tea).
Yeah right. No bigger lie was told except maybe the one Bill told Hillary when he and what's her face played Daddy in the Oval Office --or-- when Kanye told Kim he loved her because well, Kanye doesn't love anyone as much as he loves himself.

I say, "Damn all of you!" I'm taking it to the gym this winter! Maybe.

So I have a confession about spin classes. I taught them for years. I LOVE to teach them. LOVE! But I can't stand most of the people. You know the ones. The ones who pretend there is no one else in the room and commence to catching up after only 10 minutes has passed since their last text message to each other.

I turn the music up gradually hoping to drown out their voices, but they just talk louder and louder until they are talking over the music. I am no longer focused on teaching (or participating). My anxiety rises like a mercury thermometer in hell, and all I can think about is slapping those silly bitches in the face.

 While I feel this class of spin participant falls into the same category above, they are deserving of acknowledgment. They are the smart-phone addicts. No matter what is going on in class, stand, sit, sprint, turn up the resistance, they are on their phones. I have no idea what is so damn important that it requires someone's attention 24/7. Perhaps they have a porn addiction. Perhaps they are getting caught up on their umpteen-million text messages from their ex-poodle groomer. Perhaps they are inventing the next alien language. Who knows. They are the same folks who are on the toilet grunting one out and texting or talking to their 80-year old mom who hears, plop, plop, splash, and asks, "Are you doing the dishes?"

Yeah. The dishes. That's right.

Anyway...where were we? The gym. Right.

So for 2016, avoid spin classes or you might end up in jail, get your ass to the gym and get in shape, and PUT THE CELL PHONE DOWN! I know you are not going to ride outside. Stop lying to yourself and to me. I have my excuse. I blame WINTER, "Damn you winter!"

What's yours?